The mental load of motherhood feels constant, from planning schedules to remembering the smallest of details, the thoughts are endless.
The doctor’s appointment, let’s find a date/time in my schedule.
Oh, he’s getting shots. The most optimal time would be after a nap, maybe before lunch. Also, make sure it’s not during a meeting or other obligation at work. Don’t forget to put it on your calendar.
I’ll need to interrupt my workflow, then shift into mom mode, then back to work mode. Finish the workday, then back to mom mode.
Bring the diaper bag. His clothes are still in the washer. Do we have baby Tylenol?
These are the thoughts that take place before I’ve even sat down to schedule anything. There are the tasks and also the thoughts before (and after) the tasks. The big thoughts and the little thoughts, it feels never ending.
The mental load of motherhood is inevitable, this is part of the responsibility we’ve taken on as mothers. We are raising conscious little humans, the moving parts are infinite.
The overpreparing and overthinking that comes with the mental load has literally made me spiral.
I have the understanding that I am the observer of the thought, and not the thought itself (metacognition). But at times, that understanding will get thrown out the window. Without that understanding, the train of thoughts becomes the feeling. Then there’s the confusion of those feelings as your identity, and then comes the disconnect and separation of who you are.
The effort I put into alleviating that disconnect, are daily reminders that separate me from those thoughts.
A breathing exercise that helps with this – inhale for 3 seconds, pause for as long as needed, and exhale for 3 seconds. Be aware of the pause between the breaths, that stillness. That’s the space where you can find you, the observer. It may take practice, but it’s there.
My friend once said, there’s never a wrong time for a reset. I take this with me daily, the transition from working mom mode to mom mode (and vice versa) happens so seamlessly and quickly that you don’t even realize it. Stay present and begin to notice the moments when your roles shift throughout the day. Take a one minute reset to pause and breathe sometime between the transitions, any transition for that matter. This gives space to let our nervous systems reset. Our babies need time to adjust to transitions, why shouldn’t we?
Write things down; a simple note in my phone or a post it nearby. This helps me offload the “don’t forgets”, it doesn’t eliminate the thoughts but it gives them somewhere to go.
The mental load does not go away, but we can change the way we hold it. Some days will feel heavy, but in those days are small opportunities to reset, take a step back to remember that you are not the thoughts running through your mind, you’re the one noticing them. And maybe that is enough for now 🤍