what partners notice and how they can help
What did you know about breastfeeding before becoming a dad?
As a first time father, the only thing I knew about breastfeeding was that breastmilk was a superfood for newborns, packed with all the essential nutrients the baby needs. After our son came along, I had learned it was much more than just a nutritious meal, and that there were many other long-standing benefits from breastfeeding; mentally, physically, and emotionally.
What was it like watching breastfeeding happen for the first time?
It was a foreign experience. Something I hadn’t witnessed or experienced. It was expected- as naturally, it is considered a normal event for newborns. However it did take a tiny bit of time to fully grasp what was going on. You get to see how it effects your newborn emotionally; and the connection with mom that breastfeeding helps cultivate and create.
Was there anything about breastfeeding that looked harder than you expected?
After learning how to latch and feed, a newborn baby can be fairly easy to feed. However as the baby grows, new challenges arise. Watching mom position/hold a bigger baby and a young toddler can be difficult. As well as other factors: are you in public? are you in a space that feels safe to feed? is it hot/cold out? All these things can contribute to make it more difficult for breastfeeding. So yes, some things looked harder than expected, or in my case, wasn’t anticipated at all.
Was there a moment when you realized how much work breastfeeding actually is?
There was a period of time when trying to pump and store breastmilk was an everyday/regular activity. Where so much time/effort went into pumping, storing, cleaning, charging pumps – all while simultaneously making sure there was still supply for the baby to be actively breastfeeding. Just witnessing all the work it took specifically in those moments was a big realization.
What did you notice your partner experiencing physically and emotionally?
Additional fatigue. More so than just the normal lack of sleep from having a newborn. There can be so much pressure on a mother to “do it right”, because the growth of a newborn especially in those first couple of weeks can be a very stressful timeframe for both newborn and parents.
What challenges did you see your partner overcome?
Mom can be very thorough in planning, and have a “strict” way she envisions the process of breastfeeding should be like or wants it to be like. When that doesn’t necessarily go as planned, or there is a deviation from that process, it can become very emotionally draining and she can often blame herself. I watched Jess struggle with things emotionally when it didn’t go as planned but also watched her overcome the idea that it doesn’t have to be one certain way.
What were some ways you supported breastfeeding?
Some ways I showed support were asking if Jess was comfortable, making sure all the household chores/tasks were completed, or something small like staying up and awake with her/checking in and to see if she needed anything. Also giving emotional support when it became physically difficult, and she would get frustrated.
Which forms of support seemed to help the most?
Emotional – You can only do so much as the father for physical support, but mentally/emotionally you can be the voice of reason when things aren’t going according to plan. Be sure to be encouraging, and let mom know you are there to support however you can.
What did it teach you about your partner?
I believe breastfeeding showed me how strong Jess absolutely is – witnessing her ability to get through it after being exhausted/tired. The task can be difficult at times; and she was able to get through it – on some days, just by sheer willpower. There are also other times where everything just falls into place as expected and it’s a beautiful moment witnessing breastfeeding happen so naturally in it’s purest form. The connection it creates not only with mother and child, but also with us as fathers.
What advice would you give an expectant father about breastfeeding?
BE THE SUPPORT your partner needs you to be. DO NOT be overbearing and expect Mom to just easily calm down everytime. Sometimes it’s not about finding an immediate solution, but just being there to be a companion during the struggle.
Looking back, what are you most proud of as a partner during the breastfeeding journey?
I think when Jess first started her breastfeeding journey, she had a clear way she expected or wanted it to go. When faced with adversity, it took a little bit out of her emotionally, but was able to regain strength in knowing that it is perfectly OK to pivot and change the expectations, which ultimately was better and worked out in a more favorable way for both her and our son.
What would you say to your partner today about everything she went through to breastfeed your child?
What started as something to ensure the health and growth of our son, turned out to not only be that – but also an amazing experience to see your individual growth as a partner, mother, and overall human being. To witness your patience and resilience in real time, to watch you struggle and overcome it, and to see you put trust in me when you needed support was nothing short of amazing.